One Month Married

I visited a mountainous region of India called Rishikesh a couple years ago with my brother. It’s a spiritual place set on the banks of the holy Ganges River. In the evenings, the town would conduct a daily prayer called an aarti, hundreds of people gathering from near and far to participate. Sometimes when the the aarti ends, people light a small candle called a diya and set it on the flowing river as an offering to the Gods and the Universe. The diyas would light up the night and float away beautifully down the river to the rhythm of small bells and delicate cymbals and earnest heartbeats. That’s what it felt like to be wedded.

Amrit and I have been married for one month to the day.

Things are feeling…natural, expected, in love. But it’s wild to think that it’s already been 30 days since we tied the knot. It was such a whirlwind of a day and week, and it was beautiful. There were parts that went well and parts that didn’t, but through it all the love we were shown by our parents, siblings, friends, and family was overwhelming in the best way. It was a big fat Indian wedding with two ceremonies — one Sikh and one Hindu — and I just kept asking myself, “what have I done to deserve so many blessings?” It brought me to tears to see the amount of effort our people put into showing up for us, celebrating with us, and honoring so many parts of our journey.

You see, I’m what I’d call an ultimate-baby. A baby that was adored by design.

My dad is the youngest of five, and my mom the youngest of seven. And I’m their youngest. In our 100 person family, I was everyone’s baby — baby daughter, baby sister, baby granddaughter, baby niece, baby cousin. Hence, the self-proclaimed ultimate-baby. And while I’ve always known this to be true, the older I’ve gotten, this feeling of being everyone’s baby has started to fade. Not in a sad way, but other ultimate-babies have been born, who I’ve then had the chance to shower with love. But during our wedding week, my family allowed me to step into this special glowing place again. It was unbelievable to experience their love in such a concentrated way over the course of our wedding week. As if all these people were acknowledging the baby they’d raised me as, the girl they’d seen me as, and were sending me off like a floating diya to become a woman — reluctant, if only for the nostalgia of the child they’ll always see me as.

The wedding brought up BIG emotions for Amrit and I and our families, and especially for our parents and brothers. It made me realize that weddings are so much more than how we discuss them. Yes, they’re a celebration. A union of two people and two families. A rite of passage. But a passage to what?

For me, it’s about stepping into a new stage of life. A new role. Not only as a wife and life partner, but as an adult. Fully, for maybe the first time. It felt like a clear crossing of one finish line and immediate start to the next run where our parents handed us the baton to complete the run of responsibility that will likely take us to the end of our lives. A moment to say that we are not only ready to do for our parents what they did for us — to be the leader of our current family — but that we’re ready to do that for our family that doesn’t even exist yet. The one that is yet to be built. That we will honor the values of our collective heritage, pulling on the stories of our ancestors while we carefully craft what lies ahead.

To the past, present, and future

Shiv

Photo by Courtney Larson | Inloveness Photography