Love the 3 insights you shared on how this open-ended question tends to generate such a formulated response, Shivani!
For many of us, it's also a reductive formula demonstrated to us by adults (i.e. people of authority) from an early age and reinforced long before we get to the messy middle. I remember being asked as early as second grade, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" It might've even been a homework question that I had to answer in essay form.
And regardless of when we first encountered this question, by the time career decisions become real and not just hypothetical we've all acquired the conditioning that the expected answer—the "correct" answer—is not along the lines of, "I want to be happy!" or, "I want to be a connector who brings the community together." People expect a profession, a neat box to put us into, and we're more than happy to oblige.
I completely agree that changing the language will change the narrative. To get different answers, it may help to shift the questions. In classes I facilitate, instead of asking attendees to take turns introducing themselves with that generic invitation (which almost always produces boring responses that are a combination of the person's name, job title, and tenure at the company), I get more engaging answers (and a more attentive audience) when I include specific prompts, such as, "What's a fun fact most people don't know about you?"
It’s becoming less acceptable to ask someone “what do you do?” - which begs a definitive, narrow answer. “Tell me about yourself” allows for flexibility but people don’t yet see the distinction between the two questions. We respond as if we were asked the former because we assume that's what the other persons mean. I would like to hear something like: “We’ll I’m an introvert but I enjoy meaningful conversations.” or “My life has been a tragic lately. But I’m ready to move onto the next chapter.”
But if we stop asking “What do you do” then the static responses will slowly dissolve.
Love the 3 insights you shared on how this open-ended question tends to generate such a formulated response, Shivani!
For many of us, it's also a reductive formula demonstrated to us by adults (i.e. people of authority) from an early age and reinforced long before we get to the messy middle. I remember being asked as early as second grade, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" It might've even been a homework question that I had to answer in essay form.
And regardless of when we first encountered this question, by the time career decisions become real and not just hypothetical we've all acquired the conditioning that the expected answer—the "correct" answer—is not along the lines of, "I want to be happy!" or, "I want to be a connector who brings the community together." People expect a profession, a neat box to put us into, and we're more than happy to oblige.
I completely agree that changing the language will change the narrative. To get different answers, it may help to shift the questions. In classes I facilitate, instead of asking attendees to take turns introducing themselves with that generic invitation (which almost always produces boring responses that are a combination of the person's name, job title, and tenure at the company), I get more engaging answers (and a more attentive audience) when I include specific prompts, such as, "What's a fun fact most people don't know about you?"
Great post! Thank you for sharing!
It’s becoming less acceptable to ask someone “what do you do?” - which begs a definitive, narrow answer. “Tell me about yourself” allows for flexibility but people don’t yet see the distinction between the two questions. We respond as if we were asked the former because we assume that's what the other persons mean. I would like to hear something like: “We’ll I’m an introvert but I enjoy meaningful conversations.” or “My life has been a tragic lately. But I’m ready to move onto the next chapter.”
But if we stop asking “What do you do” then the static responses will slowly dissolve.